damn

So sorry its been a couple of days. A lot has happened and very little has happened simultaneously. I've made up my mind that my sister has two weeks left to stay with us unless she gets a job. How terrible, eh? We wanted to offer her a place to stay for free for 6 months, but I warned her she'd need enough money to feed herself possibly the whole time. She came with $120 in her pocket, so not near enough. She's been given more money by my stepmom, and its been about a month, but given the economy she still hasn't found a job. On top of that, besides paying the bills and food, my husband and I are pretty much broke too. She has been getting into fights with me every other day.
I've made up my mind that I am not emotionally, financially or mentally capable to handle her living here much longer without a job. She drove all the way to live with us (about a 20 hour drive) from my parents house, and in order for her to get back she'll need a dependable car battery and at least 100 bucks of gas money. She will run out of all additional funds in approx. two weeks. The other scenario is much more daunting (i.e. her staying and running out of all money including gas money to get her to a place where people can put her up and buy food for her).

So, therefore, she's got two weeks. If she is hired by then she can stay. If I had more money, patience, peace-of-mind, etc to live with a 21 year old going on 14 then I would. However, maybe my parents can help her a bit more. At least my stepmom seems to be able to offer her the emotional support and patience she needs. It's been so important to know I'm doing the right thing, and that I'm not a total shitbag. Thanks for listening out there.

-Nikki

it begins

So, I am beginning to blog. It seems its all the rage, but often I wonder why people want to put all their ideas out there on the internet for anyone to read.

Oh well, here it goes. I am in the middle of finding myself after many trials and tribulations. This is a diary and today is my first entry.

Did you know that "Nemo" in Latin means "nobody"? I guess that puts a damper on the Pixar movie in our fond memories. I am trying to find me, the me of my childhood, the me of my potential. Just like the wounded planet trashed and trampled by the endless capitalist drive for profit, I am trying to recover and grow some new, fresh shoots.

I've found myself to be unrecognizable. So I'm on the journey of finding nobody, turning it back into the somebody that has to be in there somewhere, and then getting the hell out of this Hades. I will probably just write some short stories, poems and other ways to creatively express myself. Blog entries (read: journal) will also be included at least a couple days a week.

Alright Nemo, don't keep slipping between my burning wet fingers!